Judul : Idea of Being Born is Depressing
link : Idea of Being Born is Depressing
Idea of Being Born is Depressing
Hi to all readers of iium confession bm. Before we start with the story from the title, I would like to thank admin for publishing this (if this story is published). and I hope you hide my profile too tho. This entry will be in English. I hope you readers wont mind.
A brief introduction of myself. I am 21y/o female muslim. I was born with 4 other siblings (boys) and of course, my parents. The age gap between my siblings are 1 year except for my youngest brother which the age gap is approximately 8years from my age. And I am the eldest.
As far as I could remember, I had the best childhood shared with my siblings. Unfortunately, it ends when I started lower-secondary school and until now.
Since I am the oldest of my siblings, I often being pressured by my parents. Theyve always wanted me to perform my best in everything and expect me to excel in everything especially in education. My mother, she did the best she could by sending me to tuitions, seminars etc and I will make sure I do my best in education but if course sometimes, I didnt but at least I tried my best and she will always give words of encouragement to me so that I will perform better in future.
Unlike my father, he is the opposite of my mothers way of encouraging me. He will always say things like if you dont excel in your studies, what will you do in future? or hell say if your salary is 1500rm how would you pay your bills He said that ever since I was 13! What do you expect a 13 year old to react! I was so stressed out when he said that and even until now Im 21 I still feel like wth is wrong with you? My fathers way to encourage me or my siblings is so stressful and toxic that made me think why me? And apparently it goes the same to my siblings.
And whenever we talk about places that are interesting for a vacation, hell often say things like if your salary is 2500rm, you still could not afford to travel nor pay your bills and this often led to awkward silence and of course, the conversation is over when he said such statement.
He often say things so negative that made me realise I didnt choose this family. I didnt even want to be here. But why me? Why do I have a toxic parent? Why cant he be like my mother? So positive and encouraging. Why cant he be proud of his kids even when they didnt perform well in their education. Its not like they didnt even try? Why would he bring up the salary?
Sometimes I feel like why do you have so many children? why did you decide to raise 5 kids when you know you cant afford to raise them. (I feel like he couldnt afford to raise us)
Part of me always tell myself, reminding myself day by day saying, dont have kids. Because of him. And thanks to him Ill never going to consider having a child.
To those who are married or getting married, please do plan a family. Think of the future of your children. Dont pressure them like my dad because it is depressing. And I know some people will say this is the 21st century who would think that way oh honey, youll never know maybe you could be worse than my father.
Thank you for reading.
P/s: based on the title, there are more to what my father do to us but what I wrote up there is what got me thinking so deeply about it.
#peacenowar #spreadlovenothate
Nita
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Appear first on Times News Malaysia
Demikianlah Artikel Idea of Being Born is Depressing
Anda sekarang membaca artikel Idea of Being Born is Depressing dengan alamat link https://timesnewsmalaysia.blogspot.com/2017/06/idea-of-being-born-is-depressing.html
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